Memorial Day
by TracyT
Summary: A memorial for Jack


_Title: Memorial Day _

_Author: Tracy_

_Rating: G_

_Category: Angst_

_Pairing: Sam/Jack Sam/Other_

_Summary: A Memorial for Jack_

_Archive: yes, please_

_Feedback to: ____ or on the SJ Fic page_

_Author's note: DON"T KILL ME! This has been swimming around in my head since I saw "The Notebook." Why this manifested itself after seeing that film, I don't know. Sorry for how sad it is, but it is what it is._

_Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, just love them._

_One autumn night when I was eight years old, my dad and I were watching TV after supper, just generally goofing around while mom worked on her computer in the back bedroom. There was a knock at the door, and my dad got up to answer. I jumped up and hurled myself at the two visitors, my Uncle Daniel and my Uncle Teal'c. _

_They both hugged me, but seemed subdued, quiet, sad. Uncle Daniel said, "Pete, can we talk to you for a moment alone?" The smile faded from my Dad's face, and he turned to me and said, "Listen, buddy, go back inside and find out what's happening on our show. You can get me up to speed later, okay?" I was curious what was going on, but went inside like he asked. I turned the sound on the TV down real low, hoping I might hear something of what was being said on the porch, but could only hear a low murmur of voices._

_After a few minutes, my Dad came back in followed by my uncles. He looked sad now, too. He glanced my way and headed for the back of the house. I turned to my uncles, but they avoided my stare. I heard the door to the back bedroom open and my dad say, "Sam, Daniel and Teal'c are here. They need to speak with you."_

_Mom came into the room, and she wasn't smiling. She'd apparently understood something was wrong. "Daniel, Teal'c," she hugged them both, first Teal'c, who held her longer than usual, then Daniel who took her hands in his after the hug. _

"_Sam," Daniel said in a low voice. "There's no good way to tell you this. We lost Jack today."_

_Mom recoiled like someone had slapped her. "Lost?" She was blinking rapidly. "What do you mean 'lost'?"_

_Daniel took a deep breath. "We were off world. A contingent of Jaffa ambushed us right before we got to the Gate. Jack held them off and told me to dial home. Just as the Gate opened he got hit with a staff blast. Teal'c managed to get him through to the SGC, but despite everything Dr. Lam could do…he passed away at 3:14 this afternoon. His last words were for you." I had no idea what all this meant, and looked to Dad, but his attention was on Mom._

_Mom was breathing heavily now, tears in her eyes. "Oh God," she put a hand to her mouth, trying not to cry. Dad came up and put a hand on her back silently. "God, why didn't you call, me? Why didn't you tell me?" She was really crying now. "I could have been there, I should have been there."_

"_Sam," Daniel put a hand on her shoulder. "There was nothing you could do. His injuries were just too severe."_

_I was scared now. I'd never seen Mom cry like that. Dad tried to comfort her, but she pulled away from him and ran from the room. I heard the door to the bedroom slam shut._

"_Mom?" I called out, getting up to go to her, but Dad stopped me. "Leave her alone for now, okay, kiddo?"_

"_But Dad…" I was getting upset now, too. I'd never seen my mom cry like that._

"_I know," He patted my arm. "But she needs to be alone right now, okay?"_

_I was scared. I could hear mom crying in the bedroom, and my Dad was talking quietly to my uncles. I heard them saying things about memorial services and burials, and it scared me. I didn't know who this 'Jack' was, but he was someone obviously important to my mom. I hadn't seen Uncle Daniel or Teal'c for a long time now. They lived in Colorado Springs, while Mom and Dad and I lived in Denver. I knew Mom used to work in Colorado Springs, but my parents never discussed it much._

_Dad came back in after seeing Daniel and Teal'c off, and came and sat by me on the couch. "You okay?"_

"_Dad, who's Jack?"_

"_General Jack O'Neill. You remember Mommy used to be in the Air Force?"_

_I nodded._

"_Well, General O'Neill was her boss. The leader of her team. He was kind of her hero, and her friend, and she's very sad that he died today."_

"_How come I never met him, Dad?"_

_Dad sighed. "Well, that's kind of complicated. She didn't have much to do with the people in the Air Force after she resigned. I think she talked to him on the phone from time to time, but she hadn't seen him since she left Colorado Springs."_

_I digested this silently for a while. "Are we going to the funeral?"_

"_I'm not sure. Mommy might want to go by herself for this one. When she feels better we'll ask her."_

_Dad talked me into going to bed soon after that, but I kept waking up every so often, listening for the sound of Mom moving around the house. Finally, I woke up and looked at my alarm clock. Three twenty two a.m.. A faint light was shining under my door. I got out of bed and slowly opened it. I could see Mom down the hall sitting in the big brown armchair, looking at something and wiping her eyes with a tissue._

_I tiptoed toward her, but she must have seen me out of the corner of her eye. "Johnny." She sniffled. "Go back to sleep, honey."_

_I came over and put a hand on her knee. "Mommy, are you okay?" Her face crumpled at that and she let out a soft sob. "No, no I'm not right now, sweetie."_

_I climbed up into her lap, and she moved the book out of the way to let me. I lay my head on her chest, and held her to me, "I'm sorry you're so sad about your friend."_

_Mom wiped her eyes and nodded. "Thanks honey."_

"_Whatcha lookin' at?" I asked, seeing pictures._

"_Oh, just some old photo albums."_

_I looked down seeing my mother and my uncles in camouflage gear. "When you were in the Air Force?" _

"_Mmm, hmmm."_

"_Is that Jack? I pointed to a tall man with silver hair. He was the only one I didn't recognize in the picture."_

"_Yes, that's Jack."_

"_Dad says he was your boss."_

"_He was that and a lot more. He was my friend."_

_One picture of Jack had him holding a rifle-like gun like he was displaying it. I caught sight of his hands._

"_Look, Mommy, he has long hands and fingers, just like me."_

_Mom clutched me to her tightly and I felt her shoulders shake. She was crying again. "Yeah, baby, just like you." I held her for a long time and let her cry._

_We got the news of Jack on Friday night. The funeral was Tuesday. Sunday morning Mom got up and announced, "I'm not going."_

_Dad put the paper down and said, "Sam, come on, I think we should go."_

_Mom shook her head stubbornly. "No. I…I don't want to remember him like that, I want to remember him as he was when he was alive."_

"_Sam,"_

"_No, my mind's made up, Pete. We're not going."_

_Dad sighed, then went back to his paper. "Whatever you want, honey."_

_Mom looked at Dad like she'd expected a fight but didn't get it. Then she nodded and left the room._

"_Dad, we're not going to go now?"_

_Dad lowered the paper. "I think she might change her mind before Tuesday. We'll see."_

_Tuesday morning I got up expecting to go to school, to find Mom in the kitchen, wearing her Air Force uniform._

"_Hurry up and eat your breakfast, Johnny. We have to get on the road soon."_

_I stood there, frowning._

"_But…I thought we weren't going."_

"_Well, now we are. Eat!"_

_The whole ride to Colorado Springs was done in near silence. Mom was lost in thought, and Dad seemed preoccupied, too. _

_The funeral was to be held at Cheyenne Mountain, where Mom used to work. We went through the checkpoint, and the soldiers (Mom said to call them Airman) on duty saluted Mom and called her 'Colonel Carter.' _

_We took an elevator waaaay underground and came out in a long, dark hallway. Mom took me into a room and made me sit down. She explained to me that I was going to see something today that was extremely 'classified.' I couldn't tell anyone what I saw. She then explained the Stargate to me. In those days, the public didn't know about it, and I wasn't allowed to tell._

_We went into a room with a long ramp. At the end of the ramp was the Stargate my mom had told me about. There was a wreath on a stand at the bottom of the ramp. A closed coffin was off to the right, draped in an American Flag. The guests faced the ramp head-on, while there several chairs were off to the left. Mom, Dad and I sat there with Uncle Daniel and Uncle Teal'c. Mom said hello to a sad looking woman named Sarah and squeezed her hand. Sarah hugged my mom, and patted her on the shoulder._

_We all stood when the honor guard came in bearing the flags. A man played 'Taps' on the trumpet, while the Air Force personnel saluted, and Dad and I put our hands over our hearts._

_I noticed Mom's eyes kept straying to the coffin, but she remained at attention. A drum began while the flag was removed from the coffin by the Airman and was folded into a tight triangle. I noticed the soldiers (Airman) wore white gloves to do this. They were very solemn as they approached Mom, Uncle Daniel and Uncle Teal'c. The Airman presented the flag to the sad looking woman named Sarah, who nodded her thanks._

_A man named General Hammond spoke about Jack O'Neill, and what a fine man, and leader he was. He even told some funny stories about him, which made me wish I'd known this Jack._

_Mom and uncles went to the foot of the ramp where the wreath was, and waited at attention. The ring spun several times, then whooshed open. I almost fell out of my chair! It was the coolest thing I ever saw, and my mom had worked here every day? _

_The three took the wreath to the top of the ramp, removed it from its holder, and held it up to the shimmery part of the ring. When they let go, it seemed to stay where it was for a moment before slowly disappearing into the watery stuff. Mom saluted and Uncle Daniel and Teal'c stood at attention._

_General Hammond then announced that the burial was not going to be at the military cemetery. General O'Neill had requested he be buried next to his son, Charlie. His son? He'd had a son that died? _

_As we went to leave the room, Mom, broke away from us, and approached the coffin. She placed both hands on the wooden surface, saying something softly and urgently, tears in her eyes. Uncle Daniel turned away and wiped his eyes, but Uncle Teal'c didn't bother to try and hide the tears sliding down his cheeks. _

_After a few moments Mom came back, wiping her eyes. She hugged Daniel and Teal'c, saying something for their ears only. Daniel murmured back, "I know, I know, Sam, and he knew, too." Mom nodded and patted him on the back._

_Dad put his arm around her and took my hand and we ascended back to the surface._

_Although it was a brightly sunny late autumn day, the sun belied the cold and wind at the cemetery. It took a few moments for the pall bearers, Mom and my uncles included, to bring the casket over to the grave. When it was in place, the chaplain said a few words, blessed all of us, and we were free to go. _

_Mom approached the grave and dropped a white rose on top of it. Several other people did the same. _

_As everyone began to leave, I noticed Mom standing silently alone in front of the grave. Uncle Daniel came over and put an arm around her and lay his cheek on top of her head. They spoke quietly for a few moments, then they reluctantly turned away._

_The ride home was just as silent as the ride there. Mom sniffled now and then, and Dad would lay a hand on her leg and say, "You okay?" She'd nod or say 'fine,' but she wasn't._

_When I was ten I woke up one snowy morning after Dad had gone to work and found Mom packing sandwiches and drinks in a bag. "Wanna play hooky today, Johnny?" She asked._

"_Really? You mean it?" Mom nodded. Where are we going?"_

"_I want to go to Colorado Springs. If you don't want to go with me, you can go on to school.."_

"_No, no. I'll go. Are we going to see Uncle Daniel and Uncle Teal'c? Why isn't Dad going?"_

"_Dad has to work, and this is our little secret, okay?"_

_I shrugged. A day off from school with permission? Cool by me! "Okay."_

_It was a bitter cold day. Too cold to snow. The little effort Mother Nature made looked like glitter blowing around in the air. The weak sun did little to help warm things, and it seemed to take the car a long time to warm up._

_I wasn't surprised when the first place we stopped at was the cemetery where Jack was buried. Since his death, I'd familiarized myself with all the pictures Mom had of him, and questioned her about him incessantly. She had told me funny stories about him, sad stories about the loss of his son, and stories of his bravery. I wish I'd known him in person._

_As she put the car in park, Mom turned to me and said, "Johnny, would you mind staying in the car? I need to do something on my own. Then we'll go see your uncles, okay?"_

_I nodded and watched as Mom approached Jack and Charlie's graves. She had a bag in her hand, and as I watched she took out a bunch of purple silk flowers and placed them on the headstone. Then she straightened and stood there looking down. I got the impression she was talking, and wanted to hear what she said. _

_I got out of the car and approached her slowly. Most of her words were carried away on the wind, but I managed to catch "You promised…." " and "You never…" and "I will always…" Mom was crying. I went up to her and put my arms around her. Even at ten I was tall for my age. She hugged me, and said softly, "You were supposed to stay in the car."_

"_You'll freeze out here, Mom. Come on."_

_We never went back there. When I'd ask Mom would say someone's soul doesn't stay at the cemetery, it's just a place for their body to rest, but I wondered why we never went back, just the same._

_I'm an adult now, in the Air Force with SG-3, under Colonel Martin. I love my job and I love hearing stories of my Mom and my uncles and Jack O'Neill. I'm proud of all of them._

_Mom passed away just recently. She died in her sleep, peacefully. She and Dad divorced a while back. She was never the same after she heard the news of Jack O'Neill's death, and they eventually drifted apart. Dad died a few years ago, and is buried in a cemetery in Denver. Mom asked to be buried in the Air Force cemetery in Colorado Springs, but I often wonder if she shouldn't have been buried next to Jack and Charlie. I didn't have the nerve to request it when she died, but I wish I had. I asked Uncle Daniel what I could never ask Mom, what O'Neill's last words, the ones that had been for her, had been. He told me they were, "Tell Sam I understand,." and I think I know what that means now. I hope if there's an afterlife, they're together now, and they're at peace._

_Fin_


End file.
